eHarmony Advice

I know - two blogs in one day.  I'm running the risk of being really obnoxious.  However, this is basically a public service announcement for boys participating in online dating.  When one reaches the step in eHarmony where he receives three questions from a girl (particularly from a mean girl) these should never, NEVER, NEVER be his best answers.


1 - What are your favorite things to do in your spare time?
Being a graduate student I don't have as much spare time as I would like. However I enjoy driving my mustang, watching movies, listening to music, hanging out with friends, playing with my cats. I hope to start volunteering for a animal shelter after I graduate and get settled into a job.

2 - You get to plan a trip anywhere in the world. What five places must be on your list?
Paris, just because. Hawaii, because it is so beautiful. Key West, because I saw it on "Must Love Cats" and thought it was almost as beautiful as Hawaii. Mystic CT, for family history stuff and to eat at Mystic Pizza. I guess my last place would be either Rome or South America to see the ruins.

3 - Are you doing what you love? If not, what would you rather be doing?
Yes and no. I am currently trying to finish a dissertation on a topic that I am not interested in. On the other hand I am doing it so that I can graduate and start working in the field that I am interested in.

Also, one should not use "titiwawa" as his username.  Different guy, but an equally important tip.

Uh-oh...Someone Warn The Pope!

On my own, I don't have terrible luck...in the sense that my house hasn't burned down and I've never been hit cartoon style by a falling piano. Also, I love to travel...but not alone. Luckily, I have a great friend who likes to travel as much as I do, if not more. She's a great travel companion in that she has a shit ton of vacation time, will go anywhere, doesn't bitch, and lets me be obsessive compulsive about pre-trip planning. I'm pretty sure she just puts the IM on mute and goes about her business as I obsess, but I give her credit for not signing out and ditching me.

So why is this a blog topic? Because I'm going to share all of our fun travel stories? Not so much. Combined, we have TERRIBLE luck. Not bad luck like our flights are delayed or our bags get lost - TERRIBLE luck like natural disasters chase after our plans. Some may say we somehow cause these disasters, but I prefer to think they chase after us as a challenge.

Excluding challenges related to broken bones, unmarked vans speeding through rain forests when they should be at the beach, and screaming children, two of the better examples include -

The January 2010 Haitian Earthquake! Seriously. We had tickets to the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver to see the US take on Canada in hockey. We were so excited and talked all kinds of trash to make people jealous. Clearly we're mean girls. Anyway, before we could go, all holy hell broke loose in Haiti - where she lives - and we had to cancel the trip.

In November 2010 we planned to go to the Dominican Republic for a long weekend. What happened? Oh, just a bacterial epidemic called Cholera. When did it migrate from Haiti to the Dominican Republic? Three days before our trip. I won't even discuss the Mickey Mouse rally that was waiting for us outside the hotel when we finally got there other than to say that it made Cholera seem appealing.

Perhaps now you're asking what the Pope has to do with this. Well, I found out yesterday that I'll be flying to Rome (yay!) while my friend is in the same town for work (fun!) on Friday the 13th (SCARY!!!) You may also recall that I have recently made smart comments in this blog about Roman Catholics. Someone should warn the Pope...Vatican City may never be the same.

P.S. - Being the stereotypical single lady I am, I should probably arrange for my cat to have a back-up home in the event my plane goes down...or Vesuvius erupts again...or Europe just falls off the planet. See below for her application.

More Rules

Rule # 643 - Facebook is the devil.

I thought I already learned this rule when stalking my ex months ago...apparently not.  Instead I met an eHarmony boy online, did the whole answer questions, email, yada yada yada thing, and then exchanged real email addresses.  Well, having his last name seemed like the perfect reason to check him out on Facebook.  Innocent enough, right?

NO!  Whenever you find yourself about to hit "search" - just stop!  No good can come of Facebook stalking!  When looking up the aforementioned new boy, guess what I found?  We had a mutual friend!  Was our mutual friend one of my real friends?  Nope.  A band?  Nope.  A politician?  Everyone likes Obama, after all.  Wrong again.  Our mutual friend was a guy from my past who liked to call himself the King of Casual Sex.  High class.  Now, I think calling yourself the King of Casual Sex is kind of like when people talk about how much money they have - a cover for the fact that they have no money, or in this case, sex.  This could easily lead to Rule #643a - no dating friends of the King of Casual Sex.  It's too soon to tell, but I'll keep you updated.

Rule # 847


This rule is for the boys.  Just like you want us to use current pictures so you aren't shocked by the wrinkles, gray hair, or extra pounds when you meet us in person, we'd like for you to use pictures that clearly identify your gender.  Now I'm all for people loving whomever they love.  I personally am interested in dating men.  It is not overwhelmingly helpful for me when I am viewing new matches and am left with gender questions.

I discussed my newest match (the one with the classless can't stand from earlier) with one of my friends and told her I wasn't entirely sure he was male.  Her response: "oooh, maybe it's Shane!"  Shane would be the hot androgynous character from The L Word that exuded such confidence that straight women even had crushes on her.  My unfortunate response: "no, more like Max."  Max was the character transitioning from a female to a male through massive amounts of testosterone injections which left him rather unbalanced.  The eHarmony guy in question keeps asking me about pets.  I'm not sure if it's because he's a sweet guy with a warm heart or because he wants to know if I have one he can kill and dismember in my sleep.  Oh, the joys of dating...

Really?

Did I really just get this as a "can't stand" from an eHarmony boy?

"I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis."

Who says that?  Isn't that just implied?  It's on a similar level as the chunky guy who said he can't stand people who are overweight.  Maybe I'm overly sensitive to the whole "can't stand" position as it's a bit harsh.  Still...

I need a free form "can't stand" option.  Can't stand people with zero class.  Sheesh!

self employed/auto sales/business investor/pro musician

Before the important post-date update, let me introduce you to my latest winning match...and I do mean Charlie Sheen style winning.  He's a "self employed/auto sales/business investor/pro musician."  Now you don't meet those often.

So far I've been on two dates and I've already been called Goldilocks.  The first one was too old and the second might be too young.  Seriously, though - is it important that I know that your house has two two car garages?  Do we need to talk about having kids on the first date?  Most painful might have been hearing that my date hadn't heard of Family Ties.  Really?  People don't know Alex P. Keaton?  Wow I'm old.

Going on the dates just led to what I would like to call careful thinking.  Others may say obsessive compulsive analysis, but they aren't writing this, are they?

First - what to wear?!?!  I believe I planned 14 outfits for the first date.  I hereby apologize to everyone who had to listen to me plan.  It's not like one outfit made me suddenly look like a size 2, so did it really matter?  I was convinced that if I didn't make exactly the right decision, Tampa Boy (names changed to protect the innocent) would run away screaming in disgust.

Next issue?  Where to meet?  And for what?  Coffee seemed to be the top suggestion, but I can't leap outside of my comfort zone stone cold sober!  I didn't win this round...coffee was scheduled as date 1.

Panic time!  Standing outside the restaurant waiting for Tampa Boy was quite possibly the most unpleasant 5 hours (or 5 minutes - I lost count) of my recent life.  My heart nearly beat out of my chest and it was all I could do to keep my morning Diet Coke down.  What a sexy start to the date!

Coffee turned into dinner, which seemed to be a good sign, but things went off track somewhere between the two two car garages and my museum attendance.  The derailment could have been due to my discomfort as I couldn't figure out how I was at dinner with such an attractive guy and I had to figure out what was wrong with him.  Clearly he was planning to kill me in the parking lot.  Note to self - there's probably a limit to the number of times one can make the serial killer joke.  The evening ended with "yeah, let's talk soon."  Uh huh.

I thought I was home free after surviving the date itself.  Wrong!  Then came the really obsessive thinking - did I do something wrong?  Did I care if I did something wrong?  Should I thank him for the evening?  We split costs, so the best I could think was that I should thank him for letting me live.  Not so hot.  Luckily I had a backup waiting in the wings.

I'm not sure what's going to happen with the backup, but I can say he is a definite step up from my ex.  Oh - and highly important - he isn't Roman Catholic and cross wearing.  Not that there's anything wrong with it, per se, but I'm really not interested in being smacked in the face by Jesus on a cross during intimate moments again.

Rules

In the spirit of full disclosure, and why blog if not to disclose fully, I'm a nerd who likes rules.  I like to know what's going to happen.  Let's be honest, I like to be in control.  I'll settle for being able to predict the future through reasonable expectations.  

Dating used to be about rules.  They've changed over the years - from "good" girls not calling boys to "The Rules" of the 1990s that told us exactly what to do if we wanted to snare a millionaire or otherwise catch the man of our dreams.  What I've found most distressing about this whole internet dating thing, aside from dealing with the aforementioned weight gain, is that there are no rules.  Everyone has tips and suggestions - but there's no Excel file with everything laid out for me!  No rules!  How will I survive this experiment?

I'll make the rules up myself, based on my experiences and those of my friends.

A few starters:

1 - Don't tell your mother.  I don't know about you, but mine would kill me...or follow me on dates to make sure I didn't run off with a sociopath.   

2 - Respond to everyone who initiates contact.  I know it's not easy for me to step out of my comfort zone and make the first move, so it's only fair to acknowledge those who do make that step.

3 - Rule number 2 does not apply in the case of poor grammar.  Everyone makes mistakes, which can be overlooked, but if you don't want to be called "Rose Peddle" one day, make sure your date understands singular vs. plural and homophones.

4 - Make sure you can still squeeze into the outfits in your profile pictures.  It is definitely tempting to use older, more flattering pictures, but this will only bite you in the ass when meeting someone for the first time.  

5 - Men are hunters.  Let them hunt.  ARGH!

Additional rules to be determined - What is the best timeline for initial contact to meeting in person?  When do you take communications outside the online dating tool?  When can you be alone with new dates?  Do you Facebook stalk them?

So much to think about!  Is this experiment over yet?  Online dating makes going to the gym look fun!

 

Why Not?

Until recently, I would have described things in my personal life as terrible.  Last year I ended a disastrous relationship and lost the majority of my social network, threw myself into work, let my job become entirely too much of my life, pulled away from the few friends that stuck with me through the breakup, and generally became a bitchy, mean girl.  Oh - and I dealt with it all by gaining more weight that I care to admit.  Hello, pity party!

Then, as in all good stories, something amazing happened!  Not winning the lottery amazing, unfortunately, but in the long run, maybe the emotional equivalent of finding a lottery ticket with almost all the numbers.  Now I just have to find the missing pieces and I'll get to cash it in for a life I truly appreciate and enjoy.  

What happened, you ask?  I found a blog that put my whiny ass right in its place.  Big Girl + Little Girl  If Kate's story of figuring out how to triumph over a tragedy of such magnitude doesn't make my "troubles" seem insignificant, I don't know what could.  I have never met Kate, nor do I have much in common with her, but she has inspired me to appreciate every minute because you never know when things will go completely off track and change forever.  So now I just have to figure out how to do that.  Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just making the decision.

What keeps me from enjoying every minute?  Am I the person I want to be?  Do I want to share my world with anyone?  Why not leave my comfort zone?  How do I get to happy?  

The obvious answers include working less, finding more time for fun, and re-introducing myself to the gym.  The less expected answer to the questions of stepping outside of my comfort zone and sharing my world with someone else became "why not try online dating?"  This is completely out of my character and I expect it may be my ticket to a Lifetime movie.  However, my rule for the year is try (most) anything once.  This should be interesting...