What Not to Date

If nothing else, my friends and I are becoming experts at who not to date.  If you eliminate the guys below, will there be any left?

Ladies, beware when confronted by the following men:

Men who habitually use bad grammar and spelling (they should at least be trained to use spell check by the time they reach adulthood).
Men who have more emotional baggage than you.
Men with multiple felonies.
Men who are over 30 and live at home by choice.
Italians.  Yes, all of them.  If in doubt, refer to MTV's Jersey Shore.
Australians - Don't get fooled by their accent and liberal use of "crikey."
Men who play WoW/Call of Duty.
Men who are/might be virgins or near virgins.
Men who can't handle you drunk and obnoxious (once in a while).
Men who you can't tolerate without being drunk.
Men who tell you they love you before you've ever gone on a date.
Men who don't get along with your family.
Men who have never done anything, thereby making you dumb your own adventures down in order not to look like you're bragging.
Men who freak out about driving on the highway.
Men who think leaving their town/suburb qualifies as traveling.
Men who have dumped you before/told you to get out of their house (and meant it).
Men whose family you can't get along with absent the benefit of therapy.
Men who hunt and expect you to get up at 5 am to go sit in a tree so that you can hunt...or perform sexual favors so they can stay awake.
Men without ambition.
Men who have not been to college.
Men whose jobs require excessive traveling and UN men in general should be evaluated with a more skeptical eye (through STD testing and marriage/divorce/birth records search).
Men who are restaurant managers.
Men who cannot use any toilet but the one in their own house.
Men who have a sick obsession with Elvis.
Men who say things like "I'm going to blow."

The driver of this car...complete with race car seat belts and helmet.

This guy, for sure...and the one driving...

This list can, and will, be updated at any time.  Check back often.

How Many Ways Can You Say Awkward?

Let's skip the counting and go straight to the answer.  "No, New Boy, I can't go out with you on Sunday because I'm going to a sex toy party with my ex boyfriend's mother."  Pretty much sums up my current world.

So, when Old Boy and I broke up, I lost almost all of my social circle.  I know, they were his friends first, but for whatever reason, I really thought they would still be my friends on the side, too.  Umm, no.  Silly me.  A handful of people still acknowledged my presence, one of whom was the ex's future sister-in-law.  As part of her pre-wedding fun, her future sister-in-law is throwing her a "brown bag party."  And her future mother-in-law is coming.  Woo freaking hoo.  I feel like I should go...but should is such a dirty word...and yes, the New Boy did ask what my plans were for Sunday and I confessed.  We flirt about polygamy...adding a sex toy talk to the mix can't hurt, right?

In other exciting news, I took on new projects at work today.  I'm really excited about the opportunities and getting new exposure, etc.  I have a sneaking suspicion that this is somewhat contradictory to the whole "work less, live more" goal of this experiment.

Oh, and the gym?  What's that?  Haven't been since I started the blog!  I think I'm starting to make Charlie Sheen look like an actual winner.

Why Not?

Until recently, I would have described things in my personal life as terrible.  Last year I ended a disastrous relationship and lost the majority of my social network, threw myself into work, let my job become entirely too much of my life, pulled away from the few friends that stuck with me through the breakup, and generally became a bitchy, mean girl.  Oh - and I dealt with it all by gaining more weight that I care to admit.  Hello, pity party!

Then, as in all good stories, something amazing happened!  Not winning the lottery amazing, unfortunately, but in the long run, maybe the emotional equivalent of finding a lottery ticket with almost all the numbers.  Now I just have to find the missing pieces and I'll get to cash it in for a life I truly appreciate and enjoy.  

What happened, you ask?  I found a blog that put my whiny ass right in its place.  Big Girl + Little Girl  If Kate's story of figuring out how to triumph over a tragedy of such magnitude doesn't make my "troubles" seem insignificant, I don't know what could.  I have never met Kate, nor do I have much in common with her, but she has inspired me to appreciate every minute because you never know when things will go completely off track and change forever.  So now I just have to figure out how to do that.  Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just making the decision.

What keeps me from enjoying every minute?  Am I the person I want to be?  Do I want to share my world with anyone?  Why not leave my comfort zone?  How do I get to happy?  

The obvious answers include working less, finding more time for fun, and re-introducing myself to the gym.  The less expected answer to the questions of stepping outside of my comfort zone and sharing my world with someone else became "why not try online dating?"  This is completely out of my character and I expect it may be my ticket to a Lifetime movie.  However, my rule for the year is try (most) anything once.  This should be interesting...