More Rules

Rule # 643 - Facebook is the devil.

I thought I already learned this rule when stalking my ex months ago...apparently not.  Instead I met an eHarmony boy online, did the whole answer questions, email, yada yada yada thing, and then exchanged real email addresses.  Well, having his last name seemed like the perfect reason to check him out on Facebook.  Innocent enough, right?

NO!  Whenever you find yourself about to hit "search" - just stop!  No good can come of Facebook stalking!  When looking up the aforementioned new boy, guess what I found?  We had a mutual friend!  Was our mutual friend one of my real friends?  Nope.  A band?  Nope.  A politician?  Everyone likes Obama, after all.  Wrong again.  Our mutual friend was a guy from my past who liked to call himself the King of Casual Sex.  High class.  Now, I think calling yourself the King of Casual Sex is kind of like when people talk about how much money they have - a cover for the fact that they have no money, or in this case, sex.  This could easily lead to Rule #643a - no dating friends of the King of Casual Sex.  It's too soon to tell, but I'll keep you updated.

Rule # 847


This rule is for the boys.  Just like you want us to use current pictures so you aren't shocked by the wrinkles, gray hair, or extra pounds when you meet us in person, we'd like for you to use pictures that clearly identify your gender.  Now I'm all for people loving whomever they love.  I personally am interested in dating men.  It is not overwhelmingly helpful for me when I am viewing new matches and am left with gender questions.

I discussed my newest match (the one with the classless can't stand from earlier) with one of my friends and told her I wasn't entirely sure he was male.  Her response: "oooh, maybe it's Shane!"  Shane would be the hot androgynous character from The L Word that exuded such confidence that straight women even had crushes on her.  My unfortunate response: "no, more like Max."  Max was the character transitioning from a female to a male through massive amounts of testosterone injections which left him rather unbalanced.  The eHarmony guy in question keeps asking me about pets.  I'm not sure if it's because he's a sweet guy with a warm heart or because he wants to know if I have one he can kill and dismember in my sleep.  Oh, the joys of dating...

Rules

In the spirit of full disclosure, and why blog if not to disclose fully, I'm a nerd who likes rules.  I like to know what's going to happen.  Let's be honest, I like to be in control.  I'll settle for being able to predict the future through reasonable expectations.  

Dating used to be about rules.  They've changed over the years - from "good" girls not calling boys to "The Rules" of the 1990s that told us exactly what to do if we wanted to snare a millionaire or otherwise catch the man of our dreams.  What I've found most distressing about this whole internet dating thing, aside from dealing with the aforementioned weight gain, is that there are no rules.  Everyone has tips and suggestions - but there's no Excel file with everything laid out for me!  No rules!  How will I survive this experiment?

I'll make the rules up myself, based on my experiences and those of my friends.

A few starters:

1 - Don't tell your mother.  I don't know about you, but mine would kill me...or follow me on dates to make sure I didn't run off with a sociopath.   

2 - Respond to everyone who initiates contact.  I know it's not easy for me to step out of my comfort zone and make the first move, so it's only fair to acknowledge those who do make that step.

3 - Rule number 2 does not apply in the case of poor grammar.  Everyone makes mistakes, which can be overlooked, but if you don't want to be called "Rose Peddle" one day, make sure your date understands singular vs. plural and homophones.

4 - Make sure you can still squeeze into the outfits in your profile pictures.  It is definitely tempting to use older, more flattering pictures, but this will only bite you in the ass when meeting someone for the first time.  

5 - Men are hunters.  Let them hunt.  ARGH!

Additional rules to be determined - What is the best timeline for initial contact to meeting in person?  When do you take communications outside the online dating tool?  When can you be alone with new dates?  Do you Facebook stalk them?

So much to think about!  Is this experiment over yet?  Online dating makes going to the gym look fun!