How Many Ways Can You Say Awkward?

Let's skip the counting and go straight to the answer.  "No, New Boy, I can't go out with you on Sunday because I'm going to a sex toy party with my ex boyfriend's mother."  Pretty much sums up my current world.

So, when Old Boy and I broke up, I lost almost all of my social circle.  I know, they were his friends first, but for whatever reason, I really thought they would still be my friends on the side, too.  Umm, no.  Silly me.  A handful of people still acknowledged my presence, one of whom was the ex's future sister-in-law.  As part of her pre-wedding fun, her future sister-in-law is throwing her a "brown bag party."  And her future mother-in-law is coming.  Woo freaking hoo.  I feel like I should go...but should is such a dirty word...and yes, the New Boy did ask what my plans were for Sunday and I confessed.  We flirt about polygamy...adding a sex toy talk to the mix can't hurt, right?

In other exciting news, I took on new projects at work today.  I'm really excited about the opportunities and getting new exposure, etc.  I have a sneaking suspicion that this is somewhat contradictory to the whole "work less, live more" goal of this experiment.

Oh, and the gym?  What's that?  Haven't been since I started the blog!  I think I'm starting to make Charlie Sheen look like an actual winner.

Rules

In the spirit of full disclosure, and why blog if not to disclose fully, I'm a nerd who likes rules.  I like to know what's going to happen.  Let's be honest, I like to be in control.  I'll settle for being able to predict the future through reasonable expectations.  

Dating used to be about rules.  They've changed over the years - from "good" girls not calling boys to "The Rules" of the 1990s that told us exactly what to do if we wanted to snare a millionaire or otherwise catch the man of our dreams.  What I've found most distressing about this whole internet dating thing, aside from dealing with the aforementioned weight gain, is that there are no rules.  Everyone has tips and suggestions - but there's no Excel file with everything laid out for me!  No rules!  How will I survive this experiment?

I'll make the rules up myself, based on my experiences and those of my friends.

A few starters:

1 - Don't tell your mother.  I don't know about you, but mine would kill me...or follow me on dates to make sure I didn't run off with a sociopath.   

2 - Respond to everyone who initiates contact.  I know it's not easy for me to step out of my comfort zone and make the first move, so it's only fair to acknowledge those who do make that step.

3 - Rule number 2 does not apply in the case of poor grammar.  Everyone makes mistakes, which can be overlooked, but if you don't want to be called "Rose Peddle" one day, make sure your date understands singular vs. plural and homophones.

4 - Make sure you can still squeeze into the outfits in your profile pictures.  It is definitely tempting to use older, more flattering pictures, but this will only bite you in the ass when meeting someone for the first time.  

5 - Men are hunters.  Let them hunt.  ARGH!

Additional rules to be determined - What is the best timeline for initial contact to meeting in person?  When do you take communications outside the online dating tool?  When can you be alone with new dates?  Do you Facebook stalk them?

So much to think about!  Is this experiment over yet?  Online dating makes going to the gym look fun!

 

Why Not?

Until recently, I would have described things in my personal life as terrible.  Last year I ended a disastrous relationship and lost the majority of my social network, threw myself into work, let my job become entirely too much of my life, pulled away from the few friends that stuck with me through the breakup, and generally became a bitchy, mean girl.  Oh - and I dealt with it all by gaining more weight that I care to admit.  Hello, pity party!

Then, as in all good stories, something amazing happened!  Not winning the lottery amazing, unfortunately, but in the long run, maybe the emotional equivalent of finding a lottery ticket with almost all the numbers.  Now I just have to find the missing pieces and I'll get to cash it in for a life I truly appreciate and enjoy.  

What happened, you ask?  I found a blog that put my whiny ass right in its place.  Big Girl + Little Girl  If Kate's story of figuring out how to triumph over a tragedy of such magnitude doesn't make my "troubles" seem insignificant, I don't know what could.  I have never met Kate, nor do I have much in common with her, but she has inspired me to appreciate every minute because you never know when things will go completely off track and change forever.  So now I just have to figure out how to do that.  Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just making the decision.

What keeps me from enjoying every minute?  Am I the person I want to be?  Do I want to share my world with anyone?  Why not leave my comfort zone?  How do I get to happy?  

The obvious answers include working less, finding more time for fun, and re-introducing myself to the gym.  The less expected answer to the questions of stepping outside of my comfort zone and sharing my world with someone else became "why not try online dating?"  This is completely out of my character and I expect it may be my ticket to a Lifetime movie.  However, my rule for the year is try (most) anything once.  This should be interesting...